choices

Stopping The Violence

Photo credit beatricebiologist.com

Photo credit beatricebiologist.com

With the rash of shootings and violence going on in the Rochester area, our country and around the world, it’s hard not to be scared these days.

 

Living in a small town, it’s easy to turn off the TV and say “I don’t want to think about this because it doesn’t effect me.”

 

Or “I’ll just ignore it and it will go away.”

 

Or even, “I don’t want to think about this because there is nothing I can do.”

 

However, I know I need to do something, but what?

 

According to an expert on peace and nonviolence, Arun Gandhi, “The world is what we have made it. If we change ourselves we can change the world, and changing ourselves begins with changing our language and methods of communication.”

 

Arun learned from his grandfather, Mahatma Gandhi, that violence occurs everywhere. We may think we live in a world where violence can’t touch us if we only focus on physical violence. I know I feel pretty safe in my neighborhood and in most places I travel.

 

Photo credit frombulliedtobrilliant.com

Photo credit frombulliedtobrilliant.com

 

However, Arun Gandhi states in Marshall Rosenberg’s book, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life, that there is a more insidious form of violence, “passive” violence.

 

This takes the form of speaking to or treating others disrespectfully, name calling, bullying, even eye rolling.

 

Any act where it causes an emotional hurt is an act of “passive” violence.

 

For example, a nasty or hurtful Tweet or post. Mocking someone’s appearance. Rolling your eyes when someone says something stupid.

 

I remember being picked on as kid and complaining to my mom. Her advice was to just ignore it and the kids will stop. She was right but it took a while. I can still feel the anger and frustration I felt sitting in silence on the bus as some boys told me how fat and ugly I was.

 

And it doesn’t just happen to us as kids. Fast forward 35 years and there I am again, sitting in a boardroom having insults thrown at me by a superior.

 

The old saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me” is BS!

 

Gandhi explained that “passive violence ultimately generated anger in the victim who, as an individual or as a member of a collective, responded violently. In other words, it is passive violence that fuels the fire of physical violence.”

 

With all of the hate speech and negativity being thrown around in the political arena, there has been plenty of fuel being added to the fire lately.

 

Could it be helping to create the homegrown violence in our country? I believe 100% YES!

 

We all need to get: Words are powerful.

 

What we are doing is NOT working. The answer is not more police. The answer is not meeting violence with violence.

 

“Be dominated by love, respect, understanding, appreciation, compassion, and concern for others rather than the self-centered and selfish, greedy, hateful, prejudiced, suspicious, and aggressive attitudes that dominate our thinking.”  Arun Gandhi

 

It is not our job to try and fix what everyone else is doing. It is our job to be sure WE are doing the right thing.

 

What can you do to stop passive violence?
~ Stop, take a breath and think before you speak, act or respond to someone.
~ Ask yourself, “How can I respond with kindness and respect?” (Sometimes the best response is no response)
~ Give yourself permission to take a time out, if needed. Step away, collect yourself and then go back to “How can I respond with kindness and respect?”

 

In my case, I had to leave the toxic situation I was in. Fortunately, I had the love and support of my family and friends and a great therapist to help me sort through the anger, hurt and betrayal I felt. Not everyone has the support or tools to handle those difficult feelings.

 

Courtesy of keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk

Photo credit keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk

 

Imagine what would be possible if we all practiced treating others with kindness and respect.

 

I try and meet each person with kindness and respect because I know how it feels when met with the opposite. And most times, people return the favor.

 

Kindness and respect creates connection and makes for a much more peaceful and productive world.

 

When it is not returned, I give myself permission to take myself out of the toxic space.  I practice choosing to “go high when others go low” (Thank you Michelle Obama!).

 

We will only stop the out of control violence in our world by knowing that what we say and how we treat others matters just as much as physically injuring someone.

 

We CAN make a difference. As Gandhi said, “You must be the change you wish to see in the world.”

 

Go to MK Gandhi Center for Nonviolence for more information.

Also read Marshall Rosenberg’s book, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life, to learn more about nonviolent communication.

Dealing With My Inner Critic

Inner critic

Thanks to all those who have shared with me either through Facebook or in person, what has come up for you as a result of me sharing my weight loss journey.

I’m grateful for the honesty and for the opportunity to know that we are in this together.

 

Here’s my update:

 

-I have been consistent with my exercise, running or walking 2.5 to 4 miles at least every other day.
-I have drastically reduced my consumption of sugar, flour and meat.
-I have increased the number of vegetables and fruit I eat.
-I am down 9 lbs.

 

I even went to NYC for a few days and was able to come home without having gained any weight.

 

I’m glad I’m writing all of this down because the voice in my head has been very active lately and this is how it has been going:

 

Me: “I lost 9 lbs!”
Voice in my head: “You need to cut down even more so you will lose more, faster. Stop eating sweets and snacks all together, you shouldn’t be eating any of that stuff anyway if you’re really serious about losing weight.”
Me: “But I’m ok with how it’s going…”
VIMH: “You’re not doing good enough! Look at those people on Facebook who are posting pictures of all the weight they’ve lost. And you’ve only lost a measly 9 lbs.! You have at least another 15 lbs. to lose! You might as well give up now, you know you don’t have the willpower and besides wouldn’t some peanut M & M’s taste real good right now, but you can’t have them because you need to lose weight…”

 

And on and on and on!

Photo courtesy www.keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk

Photo courtesy www.keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk

 

Needless to say these thoughts caused a downward spiral as I let them take control.

 

This felt so familiar.

 

I could feel that sense of wanting to give up, feeling helpless and hopeless, the feeling that I can never be happy eating food that was good for me and that I will never lose AND keep this weight off.

 

The next step of this pattern is letting myself have cake to celebrate a birthday, after all it was just one small piece. Then it’s having ice cream 3 nights in a row just because I wanted it.

 

Suddenly I felt terrible. And I don’t just mean psychologically, I mean physically. I wasn’t sleeping well. I felt bloated.

 

I felt old. I know I’m getting older but I have never felt old.

 

Suddenly I realized I had lost track of why I wanted to lose weight in the first place.

 

After reading Danielle LaPorte’s book, The Desire Map a couple of years ago, I started setting my goals with the idea that it is not the goal I’m actually after, it’s the feeling I will have once I reach that goal.

Posted on my office wall, my vision, how I will feel when I achieve this vision and what I can do to feel those feelings NOW!

Posted on my office wall: my vision, how I will feel when I achieve this vision and what I can do to feel those feelings NOW!

 

Since then, I have not only reached my goals but I have actually enjoyed getting there.

 

The reason I want to lose weight is because I want to FEEL better! I want to feel confident and empowered.

 

I noticed that when I eat good healthy foods that is exactly how I feel, confident and empowered both physically and psychologically.

 

When I binge on cookies, candy, chips and cake, I feel better, temporarily. Then comes a wave of regret and the after effects of all those carbs which includes mental fogginess, bloating and the path to diabetes.

 

I’m eating healthy whole foods again. I have more mental clarity and feel happier.

 

I also like going to bed just a little bit hungry. I sleep better and seem to dream more, which I love!

 

A lower number on the scale is just a result. The real reason I want to lose weight is to feel happier, more powerful and confident. And I can achieve that right now just by the food choices I make.

 

How will you feel when you reach your ideal weight? What can you do right now to connect to that feeling?

 

Retribution VS Rehabilitation

Photo credit PBS.org

Photo credit PBS.org

As a volunteer for the program, Step By Step, I helped facilitate workshops for women in jail. The workshop leader and I were there to provide a safe, nonjudgmental space for these women. It was an opportunity for them to open up and be seen.

 

A majority of the women in jail have experienced physical, verbal and emotional abuse. Many said that this was the first time they could express their feelings without consequence.

 

It’s programs like Step By Step that show people who are incarcerated that they matter and there is hope. Hope of stopping the cycle of abuse, poverty, addiction and jail.

 

But programs like Step By Step are few and most (Step By Step included) are grossly underfunded.

 

Bill Whitaker reports in the CBS 60 Minutes segment entitled Crime And Punishment, “We (the US) have 5% of the world’s population but 25% of its prisoners.”

 

He also states that we incarcerate more of our nation’s citizens than any other country in the world at a cost of $80 billion per year.

 

According to a report by the National Justice Institute,

the US has 5 times the number of prisoners than Britain and 9 times more than Germany.

 

But is our prison system working?

 

A 2005 Bureau of Justice Statistics study found that 56% of prisoners released were rearrested in the first year. That number jumps to 67% by the third year and 76% by 5 years.

US prison cell. Photo credit: Just One Film/The Image Bank/Getty Images

US prison cell.
Photo credit: Just One Film/The Image Bank/Getty Images

 

That means that over 3/4 of the people released from prison today will be back in prison within 5 years.

 

Our prison system does not work.  If it is not changed, we will continue to have a growing criminal population and debt to go along with it.

 

Currently society sees people who commit crime as disposable. We put people in jail and forget about them because it doesn’t seem to effect us.

 

In some cases, we treat animals better than we treat those who commit crime.

 

“I don’t matter” is the message a lot of prisoners have gotten all of their lives and our current system reinforces that.

 

Germany uses a different approach to incarceration. They focus on treating prisoners as human beings and they work to rehabilitate them.

Photo credit: Reuters/Alexandra Beier

German prison cell. Photo credit: Reuters/Alexandra Beier

 

Joerg Jesse is a state Director of Prisons in Germany. He says of prisoners,

 

“If you treat them as if they are your enemy, they will react as enemies.”

 

In Germany, they create personalized programs for each prisoner that includes counseling, classes, vocational training and work.

 

As the prisoners work their program, they earn more and more freedom.

 

The results? Germany spends less and they have 1/2 the recidivism rate of the US.

 

Is it a perfect system, of course not. But it is working better than our current system.

 

John Wetzel, the Secretary of Corrections in Pennsylvania, says:

“…we’ve– frankly screwed up the corrections system for 30 years and it’s time to do something different. It really starts with understanding that, you know, a human being’s value isn’t diminished by being incarcerated.”

 

We need to wake up and see that what we are doing is not working.

What’s it going to take to change this?

 

We begin by treating criminals like human beings.

 

Instead of meeting them with anger and retribution, guide them with a strong hand of love and rehabilitation.

 

Redirect them to a road other than the path of destruction (for them and society) they are currently on.

 

Ultimately, we have two choices, we can do nothing and continue to watch crime rates, our debt and prison populations grow.

 

Or we can start a dialogue to let go of the old mindset of “lock them up and throw away the key” and embrace the change needed to make a difference for everyone.

 

I witnessed first hand, women who came through the Step By Step program, did the work, and changed their lives and the lives of their children forever.

 

It’s time to stop retribution and reform our prisons. Rehabilitation that includes counseling, education and programs similar to Step By Step are the key to transforming not only our prison system but our communities, society and ultimately the world.

Beginning to breakthrough my fear of self-promotion at the Women Of Focus Trade Show, March, 2016

Beginning to breakthrough my fear of self-promotion at the Women Of Focus Trade Show, March, 2016

Without my precious food to numb me,  I recently came face to face with the

thoughts and beliefs that could keep my business stuck.

Specifically, my thoughts and judgments about marketing, selling and

promoting myself and my business.

I resist promoting myself because I’m afraid I’ll be

perceived as arrogant, manipulative or self-serving.

However, if I don’t promote myself then I will either not be in

business very long or I’ll only reach a small number of people.

“… pay attention when you want

to eat a box of Oreos,

drink a bottle of wine or

whatever your drug of choice is.”

What can I (we) do with these thoughts and beliefs rather

than divert them with food, wine or keeping crazy busy?

I chose to look deeper rather than going for the distraction and found

there was a message for me.

Below are 4 steps you can use when you’re stuck:

1. Notice your negative or limiting thoughts and beliefs.

If it’s hard to recognize your thoughts, check in with how you’re

feeling then back track to find the thought that created it.

Your thoughts create how you feel.

Use your feelings as signposts to point to what’s going on

in your head. And definitely pay attention when you want to eat

a box of Oreos, drink a bottle of wine or whatever your drug of choice is.

My limiting beliefs were:

“I can’t promote myself or my business because people will see

me as arrogant, manipulative or pushy. They’ll get angry and not want

to have anything to do with me.”

“When we carry negative thoughts, fear

and limiting beliefs from childhood,

we aren’t able to be who we truly are.”

2. Once you realize your negative thoughts or limiting beliefs, ask yourself,
“Who is this coming from?” and “What is the message it has for me?”

My beliefs came from this scared little girl inside of me. A little girl who,

when she dared to be who she was, was often met with disdain and the question,

“Who do you think you are?” and with statements like “You’re stupid,” 

“You’re ugly,” or “You’re a girl so you don’t count.”

My inner little girl came away feeling like the world was against her

and had to “be a good girl” and not standout in any way. This was

the part of me that was afraid to shine because it had been

met with pain in the past.

The message she had for me, was that she wanted to be accepted

for who she was and she wanted to come out and play.

3. Ask yourself, “What do I need?”

When we carry negative thoughts, fear and limiting beliefs

from childhood, we aren’t able to be who we truly are.

There was a part of me that wanted to come out and play but

every time it tried, I pushed it down by telling myself not

to get “too big for my britches.” 

I wound up feeling like I betrayed myself.

What I need in these moments, is a shot of reassurance

along with a large dose of self-love and non-judgment.

I need to be more worried about taking care of myself and less worried

about what others think.

Photo credit: H.Armstrong Roberts/Getty Images

Photo credit: H.Armstrong Roberts/Getty Images

4. Give yourself what you need.

It’s not enough to ask yourself what you need. You actually have to

give yourself permission to have it.

That little girl is part of me. It’s the part that wants to have fun and play.

It’s also the part that has been trying to protect me from being hurt

AND the part that has been keeping me stuck.

I need to give this part of me love, acceptance and reassurance

that we can handle anything life throws at us.

Then trust myself, relax and enjoy the ride!

Lather, rinse, repeat! This is a constant process of bumping up against

our fear, negative thoughts and limiting beliefs.

We are never finished.

When I choose not to numb or distract myself with food,

I open myself up

to fun, joy and endless possibilities.

What negative thoughts, fear and limiting beliefs are ready for you to transform?

 

Uncomfortably Numb

My Favorite Novocaine

My Favorite Novocaine

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said to a client, “Feelings aren’t right or wrong, they just want to be expressed…”

I’ve wasted so much time numbing myself with food because I didn’t want to deal with certain thoughts and emotions.

I use food to help me relax and even celebrate making it through the day. It’s as if it helps me take a deep breath and relax.

Of course, I know better.

When I am in my “I can eat anything I want whenever I want” mode, it isn’t long before I’m numbing my anger, shame, sadness, frustration, boredom, overwhelm etc… and packing on the LB’s.

Then I use even more food to try and feel better. It’s a set up for disaster.

The thing about numbing emotions is that we can’t pick and choose which ones to numb.

When we numb one emotion, we numb them all.

We numb our emotions with drugs, alcohol, food, shopping or today’s most popular numbing activity, being crazy-busy.

In her book, The Gifts of Imperfection, Brené Brown says, “…research taught me that there’s no such thing as selective emotional numbing. There is a full spectrum of human emotions and when we numb the dark, we numb the light… We can’t make a list of all of the “bad” emotions and say, “I’m going to numb these” and then make a list of the positive emotions and say, “I’m going to fully engage in these!”

When I numb myself with food, alcohol or busyness, I feel like my world is painted gray.

It’s hard to get out of bed in the morning. I don’t really enjoy what I’m eating because if everything I eat is special then nothing is special. Do you get what I mean?

As soon I stopped using food to numb my feelings and dull my thoughts, I began to feel and hear everything that I didn’t want to deal with. It was uncomfortable but I survived.

I started by not judging myself. I began meditating again so I could practice separating who I know myself to be from the thoughts in my head.

Choosing to run away from my thoughts and feelings, comes at a cost.

India Arie’s song, Break The Shell, talks about this. She says, “life’s gonna hurt but it’s meant to be felt…” because “we have a choice to live or truly be alive…”

In order to truly be alive, I have to break the shell that I put up to keep the pain away.

Lat Saturday night, we went to a dinner party and the food was amazing! I ate everything I wanted, even a bite of the homemade ooey-gooey, chocolatey, butter and sugar-filled Paula Deen brownies that our hostess made.

I took a bite and savored it. Did I want more?

Hell yes! But I knew that another bite was not going to taste as good as that first bite.

I have a ways to go before I reach my goal but I’m learning that overcoming my issue with food and my weight (and any other issue) starts with looking at what’s going on inside of me, not judging it.  Then I can give myself permission to feel it all.

What is your favorite way to numb yourself?  What is it you’re not allowing yourself to feel?

I’m Afraid Of Food!

The delicious cake my niece made for my mother's birthday. I didn't have enough sense to be scared!

The delicious cake my niece made for my mother’s birthday. I didn’t have enough sense to be scared!

When I decided to tackle my weight thing once and for all, I went back and did an “autopsy” to determine why things went sideways in the past.

The last time I got to a weight where I was happy and comfortable, I was following a low carb diet. Not South Beach, Atkins or even paleo but one that included lean meat, fish, poultry and dairy and lots of vegetables, some fruit and grains. I ate carbs like cookies, cake, crackers and bread very rarely.

After about 8 months, I reached my goal weight and kept it off for about a year and a half.

I seem to be good at losing weight but I stink at keeping it off.

Step one in the “autopsy:” Tell the truth.

I used the excuse that I had a bad case of shingles, was basically bedridden for 3 months and the inactivity caused my weight gain.

Not the truth.

My eating habits had started to fall off before I got sick.

I had begun allowing myself a taste of cake here, a spoonful of ice cream there. Then it turned into a cookie here and a candy bar there.

At first the scale didn’t move so I didn’t panic. But then it slowly began to inch up little by little and before long I had put on 6 pounds.

My workouts became intermittent.

I was pushing myself to succeed in my business and volunteering a lot of my time. I was stressed and tired and I began to use food, mainly sweets, to make myself feel better.

I now see that it wasn’t the shingles that caused me to gain weight. It was my lack of self-care that brought on the shingles. And that led to many bags of Doritos trying to take my mind off the pain.

But the main thing I realized was, I got cocky. I thought that I would never go back to being addicted to sugar and carbs.

I even remember saying the words, “I’ll never go back!”

Words that came back to haunt me.

I see now that I lost the fear of the weight coming back. I forgot about the tired, wrung out feeling when I eat too much crap. And didn’t even consider the possibility of not only getting sick but contracting a chronic condition like high blood pressure or a disease like cancer.

I got cocky and the weight came back.

I’ve lived most of my life worrying about what others think and I’ve done a lot of work to break through that. I don’t believe I should live in constant terror and worry about becoming obese.

What I do now believe is that there is nothing wrong with a little healthy fear to keep me on my toes and out of trouble.

This fear includes a healthy respect for things like alcohol and food. It is an awareness that I have to be careful not to let my guard down too much.

I need to set my own limits and be clear where the line is.

I’m back to cutting down on processed carbs and sweets and eating more whole foods. And I’m always paying attention to what makes me feel like I want to eat and drink a bit too much.

That’s working for me right now.

Do you struggle with keeping weight off once you lose it? What have you learned from your past experiences when it comes to losing weight? What do you think about having a “healthy” fear of food?

Breaking The (Food) Rules

Here's one of the few photos of me. Notice me trying to hide behind the kids.

Here’s one of the few photos of me. Notice me trying to hide behind the kids.

A few months ago, I decided it was time to take a hard look at my relationship with food. It was time to figure out how to eat without it turning into an internal emotional battle.

I stopped following my “food rules” and noticed the thoughts that ensued:

“What am I doing???”
“I am going to lose control and end up weighing 300lbs!”
“Everyone is going to see that I’ve gained weight and judge me for it.”
“People will think I’m lazy and a loser.”
“Ok, I can do this for the holidays but as soon as they’re over I’m going on a strict diet.”
“I can NOT permit myself to eat any cookies, meatballs, crab dip (insert any food that is not a raw vegetable here).”

After the holidays were over, it turned into:

“OMG! I gained 10 lbs! I’m fat!”
“I look terrible and I need to lose weight!”
“My family loves me no matter what size I am.  Who am I kidding, they’re probably as disgusted with me as I am!”
“I just want to hide out at home.”
“I can’t buy any new clothes until I lose weight.”

There they were. The thoughts that have come out of my longtime struggle with food, weight and body image. And I know exactly where these thoughts were created.

They came from people in my past who thought they were being cute by calling me pleasingly plump when I was in that awkward stage right before puberty hit. And the words of the boys on the school bus who knew exactly the right buttons to push by calling me fat and ugly.

As with the many attempts before, I knew if I put myself on a diet, eating or fitness plan it was doomed to fail because I was not doing it for the right reason. I would be losing weight because I was afraid of what others thought, not because it was something I wanted.

Then I thought, “What if these thoughts aren’t true?  What if I wasn’t a loser or lazy? What if I’m just me, not what I look like?”

So I asked myself the question, “Who do I know myself to be?” (A question I often ask my clients)

I know myself to be: kind, funny, smart, generous, loving, strong…

Does the size or shape of my body change any of that?

No! Hell NO!

If someone judges me or doesn’t like me for the size or shape of my body, it hurts. But quite honestly, they are not someone I would choose to be friends with anyway.

By replacing negative thoughts of my body with positive ones about the whole me, it not only made it easier to walk into a room full of people, I felt gratitude for the body that has brought me through 54 years and carried and birthed two healthy children.

I would love to say that the angels sang and my eating habits were suddenly transformed.

That didn’t happen. I’m still coming to terms with the fact that I inherited my dad’s muscular build and not my mom’s thin beautiful legs. And, I’m likely addicted to carbs.

I have also learned to listen to the shouting in my head rather than pushing it down and hoping it goes away. Now I ask myself, “What am I really looking for these cookies or this bag of peanut M & M’s to do for me?”

I have learned I like the way I feel when I eat healthy, whole foods rather than processed, sugar laden food.

It would be easy but miserable to go back to my automatic routine of forcing myself through a diet, losing weight, keeping it off for a while, rebelling against the diet and then regaining the weight.

Right now, I’m in an unknown space and it’s really uncomfortable. I don’t know what’s around the corner but I do know I am committed to breaking up this pattern of self-abuse.

Are you struggling with the same thing? What are you doing to break through your old patterns? Let me know I’m not alone.

I’ll keep you posted…

Follow Your Bliss & Enjoy The Journey

Me following my bliss in Rome 2007

Following my bliss in Rome 2007

I recently received a Facebook friend request from a woman I had met through networking when I first became a coach. I hadn’t spoken to her in a couple of years and I was excited to connect.

The next thought that ran through my head was to invite her to like my business Facebook page. Suddenly I felt a wave of embarrassment mixed with shame and guilt. You see, I am not real consistent with posting on Facebook, particularly on my business page.

I go in waves of posting memes, quotes, thoughts etc.on Facebook and Twitter because the “experts” say that my business needs to have a social media presence.  I’m sure it’s true because people a lot smarter than me say it’s true.

I believe what I offer makes a difference in people’s lives and the reason I’m posting is because I want to help or inspire someone.

But frankly, I suck at it. And to be perfectly honest, there are times when I hate it. I feel disingenuous when I’m simply trying to find something to post just to say I posted.

This year my intention is to “follow my bliss and enjoy the journey.”

“Follow your bliss” is a shorter version of the quote by Joseph Campbell “follow your bliss and don’t be afraid, and doors will open where you didn’t know they were going to be.”

According to the Joseph Campbell Foundation website:

“Joseph Campbell was a life-long student and teacher of the human spirit and mythology… individuals who searched within themselves and their societies to identify the need about which they were passionate. He called this burning need that they sought to fulfill their bliss..”

Coaching is my bliss. I love being a space of trust, authenticity and acceptance not only with my clients but with my family, friends, even strangers.

I try to bring that to my relationship with myself although that has proven to be quite a challenge especially when it comes to my weight and food. (More on that on that at a later time)

The definition of bliss is perfect happiness; great joy: a state of spiritual blessedness, typically reached after death.

Bliss in Sardinia

Sardinia 2006

My intention for 2016 of “follow my bliss and enjoy the journey” was born from wanting to experience great joy now. Not when my business was successful, the kids were happy and my husband and I were retired and traveling the world or after I die.

I’ve spent too many years chasing my bliss and being miserable.

I’m tired of receiving emails touting the formula that will bring a million dollars.  I have spent way too much time and money on plans, strategies and coaches who promised me if I did what they said to do, I would make tons of money.

None of these fit with my values and integrity and all I ended up with was regret and an even emptier bank account.

Well, not true. I also got a valuable lesson:  Listen to and do what feels right for me. Do not rely on someone or something outside of me for answers.

Don’t be surprised if you see intermittent posts from me on Facebook, Twitter or even this blog. And know that when I do post it will be because I’m following my bliss and enjoying every step!

What is your bliss? Let me know, post a comment and let’s keep in touch!

Does Everyone Need A Coach?

Women-in-black-blouse-Question-Mark-e1424352397536-300x241
During a recent conversation with a coach, I was asked if I thought that coaches should have a coach.  I told her all the reasons why, in my opinion, it was a necessity for coaches to be coached.

Then she asked me if I thought everyone should have a coach. I told her that I believed that if someone was happy and fulfilled with their life then they didn’t really need a coach.

She did not like that answer.

She stated that she believed everyone should have a coach. That everyone could stand to work on their health, their career, their relationships, some aspect of their life.

This point of view can be typical of a new coach who is trying to save the world one person at a time.  Or a coach who is frustrated that their coaching practice is not growing as fast as they would like. (Been there, done that)

While I believe that everyone could benefit from a coach, I do not believe that everyone should be coached.

Coaching is about trying to figure out what’s stopping you from achieving what you want in life. Then it’s about getting into action so you generate results; lasting results.

Coaching does not work unless the client is willing to do the work and it requires commitment.

comfort-zone
Clients are asked to question and challenge their fear, self-judgements and limiting beliefs. It can be uncomfortable and scary as they step outside their comfort zone.

Many clients come to me because they are feeling stuck and hopeless and are tired of it. They are ready to jump in and do what they have to to transform their lives.

I have transformed my life from a woman who was terrified of social situations to someone who now relishes walking into a room full of strangers.

The fear is still there but now when I’m doing something outside my comfort zone, it turns into excitement.

Coaching is not something you have to do. You are the only one who can decide if and when you are ready.  You can only change your life if you are open and willing to commit to it.

Is now the time?
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I have written a free 17 page e-book entitled, “What Is Coaching?”

In it, you will learn the difference between coaching, consulting and counseling, what training and certification a coach needs and the difference between a life coach, health coach, business coach etc. and more.

This book will not only help you decide whether coaching is right for you but gives you tips on how to find the right coach for you.

To receive your free PDF, simply enter your name and email address below.

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Changing The World One Step At A Time

 

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This week I am inspired by women who are following their bliss and making a real difference in the world and am grateful to be a contributor to the Fall Issue of Get Real magazine​.

Changing The World One Step At A Time, tells my experience of the first time I went into the Monroe County Jail as a volunteer with the Step By Step program. It is not only a tribute to the organization but to the work of Sally Kohler, the workshop facilitator, who tirelessly works to lift up women who have fallen.

Click this link Get Real Magazine Fall 2015 and download to read my article and be inspired by all the amazing articles and photos.

Thank you to Brenda Steffon​, Melissa Pletscher-Nizinsky and Julia Kracke for creating such a beautiful, inspiring magazine. You and your staff have created excellence on these pages and I am honored to be a small part.

Who are the women that inspire you? Now go and let them know the difference they have made in your life. #liveinspired