When I decided to tackle my weight thing once and for all, I went back and did an “autopsy” to determine why things went sideways in the past.
The last time I got to a weight where I was happy and comfortable, I was following a low carb diet. Not South Beach, Atkins or even paleo but one that included lean meat, fish, poultry and dairy and lots of vegetables, some fruit and grains. I ate carbs like cookies, cake, crackers and bread very rarely.
After about 8 months, I reached my goal weight and kept it off for about a year and a half.
I seem to be good at losing weight but I stink at keeping it off.
Step one in the “autopsy:” Tell the truth.
I used the excuse that I had a bad case of shingles, was basically bedridden for 3 months and the inactivity caused my weight gain.
Not the truth.
My eating habits had started to fall off before I got sick.
I had begun allowing myself a taste of cake here, a spoonful of ice cream there. Then it turned into a cookie here and a candy bar there.
At first the scale didn’t move so I didn’t panic. But then it slowly began to inch up little by little and before long I had put on 6 pounds.
My workouts became intermittent.
I was pushing myself to succeed in my business and volunteering a lot of my time. I was stressed and tired and I began to use food, mainly sweets, to make myself feel better.
I now see that it wasn’t the shingles that caused me to gain weight. It was my lack of self-care that brought on the shingles. And that led to many bags of Doritos trying to take my mind off the pain.
But the main thing I realized was, I got cocky. I thought that I would never go back to being addicted to sugar and carbs.
I even remember saying the words, “I’ll never go back!”
Words that came back to haunt me.
I see now that I lost the fear of the weight coming back. I forgot about the tired, wrung out feeling when I eat too much crap. And didn’t even consider the possibility of not only getting sick but contracting a chronic condition like high blood pressure or a disease like cancer.
I got cocky and the weight came back.
I’ve lived most of my life worrying about what others think and I’ve done a lot of work to break through that. I don’t believe I should live in constant terror and worry about becoming obese.
What I do now believe is that there is nothing wrong with a little healthy fear to keep me on my toes and out of trouble.
This fear includes a healthy respect for things like alcohol and food. It is an awareness that I have to be careful not to let my guard down too much.
I need to set my own limits and be clear where the line is.
I’m back to cutting down on processed carbs and sweets and eating more whole foods. And I’m always paying attention to what makes me feel like I want to eat and drink a bit too much.
That’s working for me right now.
Do you struggle with keeping weight off once you lose it? What have you learned from your past experiences when it comes to losing weight? What do you think about having a “healthy” fear of food?
What is love really? We talk about it as a noun, a thing. Or it can be a verb, you know, to be “in love.”
But most people think of love as a feeling. This can be tricky because we don’t always “feel” like we love someone, even someone that we know deep down we do, like our parents, siblings, spouse or our children.
I remember as a kid hating it when my parents were angry with me. I interpreted their anger as they didn’t love me. Primarily because when I was angry, I couldn’t “feel” the love for that person. It was confusing for me.
This effected how I dealt with my children. If you ask them even now, they both would tell you that when I would get angry, I would say, “even though I’m angry with you I still love you.”
As a human, I have a tough time with love because it may be a noun but I can’t touch, taste, smell or see it. So I’m stuck with my own interpretation.
The Bible says that God is love. The Course In Miracles says that the only thing that is real is love.
God is the embodiment of pure love and is not human. It is virtually impossible for us as humans to comprehend that love. I believe when we access that part of ourselves that is willing to sacrifice our happiness, comfort, safety and ultimately our lives for someone else, that’s the closest we come to understanding that divine love.
I believe that love is an energy to which we are all connected. We get to choose, however, whether to tap into it. I have experienced this.
There was once someone that I just did not feel like I loved them. I remember that it caused me pain because I thought that I should love this person because it was someone I was very close to. I remember getting down on my knees and praying every morning pretending to lift this person up to God. I knew that God loved them even when I couldn’t. Then I would pray to have my heart open so that I could see that person as God sees them and love them as God loves them.
I don’t remember exactly how long it took but I suddenly noticed that I was enjoying being around them and one day, I truly “felt” love for them. I argue that the love was always there, I just had some ego and fear in the way.
This brings me back to my core value of heart. What it means to me is that from a business standpoint whoever does business with my company will be accepted and loved; the good, the bad and the ugly. That doesn’t mean I will choose to work with everyone however it does mean that everyone will be treated as what they are: divine love.
I believe each of us is this divine love. There are some of us that reflect that love back to us more readily. Those are the ones we love easily. I believe those we have a hard time being with are also divine love, we just have a harder time seeing it because there are egos and/or fear in the way (both theirs and ours). With those, we have the power to stop there or we can keep going, get down on our knees and ask for divine love to heal the relationship.
If we are truly all divine love, it means we are all one. What would the world be like if we were all willing to see and accept each other for the love we are even if our hearts didn’t “feel” it? If I do it for you, will you do it for me? Maybe this is what “heaven” is all about.
I felt moved to pick up my Course in Miracles book recently and "happened" to open to this passage."Nothing can hurt me unless I give it the power to do so. For I give power as the laws of this world interpret giving-as I give I lose. It is not up to me to give power at all. Power is of God, given by Him & reawakened by the Holy Spirit, Who knows that as I give I gain. He gives no power to sin, &
therefore it has none; nor to its results as this world sees them-sickness & death & misery & pain." ~ A Course in Miracles P. 408
Recently, I viewed someone in my life as a bully and made them wrong for how they were treating me. I made them into a bad person and I wanted someone to come and rescue me.
What I couldn’t see is that I handed over my power. After reading this passage, I understand that my interpretation of the situation was completely untrue. And that this pattern of giving my power away to others has been going on for years.
Everyday I see many people deal with “sickness & death & misery & pain.” And everyday, I see many who choose to receive the power that is “of God.” From that connection to God (or insert your word for the Divine; Life, Universe, Spirit etc), sickness, misery, death and pain have no power and cannot hurt us.
When we realize this, we then live our lives from our true power and usually end up inspiring others to do the same. Robin Roberts is a wonderful example of this. And so are many of you!
Let’s practice accepting and living our true power!
During my coach training, the leaders of our program urged us to say the thing that will get us fired. When I first heard this, I was horrified. You see, I was always the “nice” one. I prided myself that no one could get to me. No matter how anyone reacted, whether it be anger or arrogance, I would be “nice.”
Then it was pointed out that my “niceness” was simply a manipulation. At first, I became incredulous. How could they say such a thing?! Me, manipulative?! Never!
Once I calmed down and took a look, I realized they were right. I used my “niceness” to get what I wanted and to make myself feel better than those who couldn’t control their egos or their temper. Wow, was that a wake up call!
From that one powerful reflection, I also realized that if I was always “nice” with my clients, I wouldn’t be providing them with the best coaching I could offer. I would only be getting my need to be liked met.
I began practicing saying the bold thing everywhere.
I recently had a friend call me out of the blue and tell me that she needed me to come and be with her because she could not breathe. I immediately suggested we call 911 but she was resistant. She finally agreed and I met the ambulance at her house.
It turned out that she was having a panic attack and from what I understand, they really can make you feel like you’re going to die. I ended up taking her to be checked out by her doctor and they said that she was physically okay.
My friend, Kelly (not her real name), had been self destructive in the past and had cut herself off from her friends, me included. I always told her that I would be there if she needed me. And that morning, I had been. And Kelly was extremely grateful.
However, I found myself telling her that she got lucky that morning. I travel for work and am out of town on occasion and I sometimes have early morning client calls. I told her that I am not always able to drop everything to come and be with her.
I reflected her self destructive pattern and I told her that I cannot make her live. I told her that I would be heartbroken, that I would carry my love for her in my heart forever should she die but my life will go on. I couldn’t believe these words were coming out of my mouth.
Her reaction was to give me the biggest bear hug and thank me. She said she felt free in that moment because of my honesty.
We met a couple of weeks later and Kelly thanked me again. She said she finally realized that it was up to her whether she lived or died and it was her choice what kind of life she lived. She thanked me for my boldness because she said it saved her life!
So consider the practice of saying the bold thing. Yes, you may have to apologize and clean things up with some. With others, you may change their life forever. And who knows, you may even save a life!
About 3 years ago, I read the book A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. It was one of Oprah’s book club selections. This book was so powerful for me that I knew I had to talk to others about it despite my fear of being in a room full of strangers.
I went back to Oprah’s website and found a book club in Rochester. I was so scared to go to the first meeting, I took a friend with me.
This group of people became a very important part of my life every Wednesday evening as we read each chapter and discussed how the concepts translated in each of our lives. And little did I know what a profound effect each of those people would have on my life as we spent those evenings together for over a year.
I met my best friend, Darcie, in that group. The facilitator of the group was a life coach and it was, in no small part, because of him, that I chose to become a life coach. Another member and current friend, Luz, recommended her life coach to me when I decided that I wanted to work with a coach to decide if I wanted to be one. That led me to Gregg and Accomplishment Coaching.
I graduated from the AC training program in New York in July 2010. I have a whole new group of friends and colleagues all over the country. And now Luz is going through the training as well. Is all this a coincidence? I don’t think so.
I believe that when we put ourselves out there in spite of our fear, the universe conspires to bring us what we want even if we don’t know what it is that we want. I knew I was looking for something in my life but I wasn’t sure what it was. Looking back, I couldn’t have planned this journey any better.
I now look at life differently. Not wondering why things happen the way they do but having wonder at the way life happens. What do you see about your journey called life?