Changing The Golden Rule

You’ve heard of the Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you?   All I can say is it must have been a man who thought this up because no woman in her right mind would ever say anything so stupid.

I agree that the Golden Rule is positive in most situations.  In dealing with the people I encounter, I try to be calm, polite and kind.  All traits I appreciate in others when interacting with me.

However, recently I took issue with my husband treating ME as HE would want to be treated. Specifically when it came to my birthday.

When my husband and kid’s birthdays roll around, I try very hard to give them a special day. When the kids were younger, we had parties. Now that they’re older, they choose between dinner at their favorite restaurant or dinner at home with me making whatever they choose.  And the same goes for my husband.

With my birthday so close to Christmas, it has always seemed to get lost. With all the hoopla over the holidays, everyone is too tired and partied out to have yet another party, including myself.  As an adult, I have learned to accept this.  Or so I thought.

This year, I felt resentful as I thought about my upcoming birthday.  When I looked to see what the cause was, I realized the past few years, my birthday dinner consisted of takeout pizza.  I love pizza, don’t get me wrong, but on my birthday?!

When I thought about how my husband wanted to spend his birthdays recently, I noticed he doesn’t care to make a big deal out of it.  I realized he was treating my birthday the same way.  He didn’t understand that I wanted something more than takeout food.

I knew I needed to have a conversation telling him that I did not want to be treated like he wants to be treated. I wanted to be treated the way I want.

All that meant was either choosing to go out for dinner or having him cook dinner at home, NO TAKEOUT!

In case you’re wondering, he cooked our family a delicious meal of artichokes french, jambalaya and tiramisu. My favorite foods with my favorite people!  It was the best birthday ever because I felt heard and honored! Not only by the people I love but by myself as well. (And it was extra special because my husband doesn’t often cook.)

Where are you expecting your partner to treat you as you treat them?  A hint: Start by looking at where you’re feeling resentful.  Speak up and practice asking to be treated the way you want.

Remember the Golden Rule of Relationships: Do unto your partner as you would have them do unto you, unless they tell you otherwise.



2 Responses to Changing The Golden Rule

  • Linda, as an inspiring life coach, AND A MAN, I Googled “Golden rule of life coaching” and your site was the first one that came up. I clicked on it and couldn’t believe that the first sentence said how stupid men are. I was floored even further when I read the very next hypocritical sentence. Teaching women to start off confrontational is not the best way to help. It ruined the entire context of the rest of your message.

    • Jesse,
      Thanks for your comment. What I was, apparently unsuccessfully, trying to say is that most women do not want to be treated like a man. I am not clear where I was “teaching women to start off confrontational.” My intention was to illustrate how it’s ok to ask for what we want because we don’t all think alike. As coaches, it is our job to notice when we get triggered as I did when I wrote about my birthday. Looking at those triggers is where our growth lies and helps us better serve our clients. Maybe this post triggered something in you? I appreciate your taking the time to comment. All the best!

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