Heart (Core Value #2)

When we talk about love we think about the heart. We talk about our hearts being “full of love.” When we get hurt by someone we say they “broke my heart.” The heart is our symbol of love and the bridge between our human form of love and divine love.

What is love really? We talk about it as a noun, a thing. Or it can be a verb, you know, to be “in love.”

But most people think of love as a feeling. This can be tricky because we don’t always “feel” like we love someone, even someone that we know deep down we do, like our parents, siblings, spouse or our children.

I remember as a kid hating it when my parents were angry with me. I interpreted their anger as they didn’t love me. Primarily because when I was angry, I couldn’t “feel” the love for that person. It was confusing for me.

This effected how I dealt with my children. If you ask them even now, they both would tell you that when I would get angry, I would say, “even though I’m angry with you I still love you.”

As a human, I have a tough time with love because it may be a noun but I can’t touch, taste, smell or see it. So I’m stuck with my own interpretation.

The Bible says that God is love. The Course In Miracles says that the only thing that is real is love.

God is the embodiment of pure love and is not human. It is virtually impossible for us as humans to comprehend that love. I believe when we access that part of ourselves that is willing to sacrifice our happiness, comfort, safety and ultimately our lives for someone else, that’s the closest we come to understanding that divine love.

I believe that love is an energy to which we are all connected. We get to choose, however, whether to tap into it. I have experienced this.

There was once someone that I just did not feel like I loved them. I remember that it caused me pain because I thought that I should love this person because it was someone I was very close to. I remember getting down on my knees and praying every morning pretending to lift this person up to God. I knew that God loved them even when I couldn’t. Then I would pray to have my heart open so that I could see that person as God sees them and love them as God loves them.

I don’t remember exactly how long it took but I suddenly noticed that I was enjoying being around them and one day, I truly “felt” love for them. I argue that the love was always there, I just had some ego and fear in the way.

This brings me back to my core value of heart. What it means to me is that from a business standpoint whoever does business with my company will be accepted and loved; the good, the bad and the ugly. That doesn’t mean I will choose to work with everyone however it does mean that everyone will be treated as what they are: divine love.

I believe each of us is this divine love. There are some of us that reflect that love back to us more readily. Those are the ones we love easily. I believe those we have a hard time being with are also divine love, we just have a harder time seeing it because there are egos and/or fear in the way (both theirs and ours). With those, we have the power to stop there or we can keep going, get down on our knees and ask for divine love to heal the relationship.

If we are truly all divine love, it means we are all one. What would the world be like if we were all willing to see and accept each other for the love we are even if our hearts didn’t “feel” it? If I do it for you, will you do it for me? Maybe this is what “heaven” is all about.

A Foundation of Trust

I have been taking a look at what my core values are for my business and I thought it would be a difficult task. But what I found was it was fun. And it was very clear what my number 1 core value was: trust.
 
For me, trust is non-negotiable. If I don’t trust you or you me, then I believe there is no foundation for a deep relationship let alone being able to do business with one another.
 
As a coach, my clients have to trust me to uphold strict confidentiality. No one wants to worry whether the intimate details they share with me will end up on Facebook or as fodder for conversation at a networking event.  
 
Having come from the dental world, I am practiced at not sharing.  My family has gotten used to asking me only, “how was your day?” to which I usually reply either “good”  or “interesting.”  They know better than to ask anything beyond that.
 
As a friend or family member, nothing hurts worse than knowing you have betrayed someone’s trust.  We have all felt that sting.  We know how difficult it can be to learn to trust someone again after that happens.  And I know that there have been times when I’ve begged to be forgiven.  It takes time, understanding and forgiveness to mend the relationship. 
 
My clients must also trust that I care about them and have their best interest at heart.  There are times when it is my job to say something the client may not want to hear.  I have actually had clients threaten to hang up on me during a session because of something I pointed out to them.  However, once they calmed down, most were able to see what I was pointing to and have even thanked me for having the guts to say it.
 
We may need to do the same with the people we love.  We have to trust the relationship and love we have that we can say the difficult thing and be with whatever reaction shows up. 
 
I also must trust the clients I work with.  I must trust that they will empower me as their coach. That they will not just quit but stay in the conversation and trust that there is gold at the end of the process.
 
I must trust that my loved ones will trust me to love them and always have their backs.
 
I also need to trust myself.  I need to trust that I have what I need to provide value to each of my clients and to the people I love. And that if I find that things are not working out for the benefit of all, I need to trust myself to make the situation right. 
 
For example, if a client is not making progress, I need to trust that I will not just continue to work with them but refer them to another coach or even a therapist, if necessary.  In the case of a friend or family member,  I need to be able to back off and give them space along with love and acceptance.
 
And last but certainly not least, I need to have faith.  Faith is a form of trust.  A trust that everything will work out.  Trust that there is a higher being whose power I can call on whenever needed.
 
Trust is not something that I need just in my business, it is something I need in life.  These 3 aspects of trust: with myself, with others and with God, create the foundation for my life. To me this is my most important core value.